More than many people might recognise I know just how painful Mothers Day can be, whilst I am lucky to have an incredible relationship with My Mum, she's my best friend, I know not everyone is so lucky and to those too who so dearly wish and dream to become Mums this day can be extremely painful and hard to watch and celebrate. Why celebrate something that can bring so much pain and heartache?
I get it, I really do! For so many years I dreamt of being a Mum some day, and even still now whilst I am lucky enough to have finally become a Mum the pain of being a Mum to the one I lost and never got to hold will never go away.
The pain of feeling like I was letting everyone down hurt like hell. My Mum deserved to be someone's Nana, My Dad deserved to be a Grandad and my Husband deserved to be a Dad.
For me a Mother isn't someone who just carries and raises a child, a Mother can be so much more and not getting to carry your child to term, hold them or raise them in my view doesn't make you any less of a Mum then the Mums who do. Being a Mum is a god damn hard job! Yes it may be viewed as the best job in the world, but it's a role we play in so many different capacities that we often don't realise it.
When you think of a Mother figure, what qualities do you foresee that they hold?
Being a kind and caring individual is a mothering way, caring and nurturing, and dont we often behave this way with our friends, family and important people in our lives?
For those of you who face a potential path like I did of never being a “Mum” in the biological sense, it can feel like the whole world is celebrating something that you can’t have and that is impossible to accept. It can also be challenging to see friends and family members who are mothers, and feel like you're somehow less of a woman because you can't do what they can.
So I challenge you to think differently. I recall something that helped me in some of these darker times and I now always try to remember that motherhood is not the only measure of a woman's worth, and that there are many ways to create a meaningful and fulfilling life without children. Just because we might not physically create a child it doesn't mean we cannot have an impact on children in our lives and become someone they look up to, turn to, provide support to and so many things in between. Think of how many successful step parent relationships there are in this world, how many positively impacting Auntie roles there are. You see there are many other ways to be a “Mum”, it's really about thinking what does being a Mum mean to you and those around you.
I see a Mum in so many different ways, I have had friends who have “Mothered” me over the years and other role models in my life who have had a similar impact. I am sure if we each sat down and thought about this we could all pick out someone who had a similar impact. So why don't we see ourselves in that same way? Our brains are wired to cope negatively with the things we desire but cannot obtain. But I am a great believer in mind over matter and it's really about how we can train our brains to think and respond differently. Don’t get me wrong this is damn hard when your hurting and something like this that cuts so deeply, but when we step back and breath and come up for air out of that pain its important to assess what we really see, how we view it and how we address and change the way we want to see it to move forward.
For those who want to be mothers but haven't been able to yet, Mother's Day can be a painful reminder of unfulfilled desire. Seeing other women with children can feel like a cruel reminder of what you don't have. It's important to remember that there are many different paths to motherhood, and that there is no one "right" way to have a family. If you're struggling with infertility or other challenges, seek out support and resources to help you cope with the emotional toll of this journey. I have said this before and I will continue to say it. I am always here and my inbox is always open for anyone who wishes to talk to someone who truly understands how you feel.
For those who are mothers, Mother's Day can be a time of joy and celebration, but it can also be challenging. Mothers often put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, and may feel like they're failing if they don't live up to their own expectations. It's important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect mother, and that it's okay to make mistakes. Take time to celebrate the joys of motherhood and the love you have for your children, but also be kind to yourself and acknowledge the challenges and sacrifices that come with the role.
In conclusion, Mother's Day can be a complex and emotionally charged time for many people. Whether you're a mother, want to be a mother, have lost your mother, or can't be a mother, it's important to take care of yourself and seek out support and resources to help you navigate the challenges of this day. Remember that there is no one "right" way to feel, and that it's okay to experience a range of emotions on Mother's Day. Above all, be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone in your struggles…..EVER!